Thursday, September 08, 2005

As my dad would say "When the wheels come off the wagon."

One of the things that I have learned through the experience of helping my sister is that God works though the circumstances of life if we let Him. It's human nature to run. It's His nature to make us more spiritually mature and to bring us closer to Him.

I know there were many, many times that I wanted to run away because it was too hard or too scary. First I thought my sister was dying--and she was. The actually caring for her was much easier than I had anticipated. It was the emotional part inside of me that was overwhelming at times. God healed her and now it has been the battle for recovery and the battle against the drugs she has been dependant upon for so long. It is so much more complex than that little explanation, but the details aren't as important. I know that the Lord has not only been here with me through all of it, He has used every second of it to shape me, to discipline me, to train me. This has been the hardest thing I have ever done for so many reasons, yet it has also been the very best. I have had to rely on my Lord in ways I have never experienced before this. He has also used this ONE circumstance to push me in every area of my life that has needed change and growth.

All of this rambling to say that do not run away so quickly from circumstances in life that are scary and so hard or painful you feel like if you stay a moment longer you might shatter into a thousand little pieces. That is true, you might. But remember that His strength is perfect when we have nothing left--that doesn't apply exclusively to sin as it is often interpreted. He does give us the grace we need for today and His love does reach us.

When we are in an impossible situation and there's no hope for the circumstances to change, what is our heart like? That is what I am trying to get at. Our attitude determines so much. Do we trust Him enough to follow Him when we can't see our hand in front of our faces? Do we believe that He loves us--that God is love and that being His nature; He cannot do or say anything that contradicts His nature? What we believe determines our attitudes, which determine the choices we make.

To be clear, I am not saying that God creates horrible situations to punish us, no. Rather, He uses the realities of life, working through them, to discipline us because He loves us. He also uses them to show us what He is like. At least that has been my experience with Him. In the example of my sister, He has been continually showing me what my heart is like. Then, with great faithfulness and love showing me what His heart is like. He has also equipped me with tools for the future and experience that will be invaluable to me in medicine. It's often the hardest things that reap fruit in abundance. So, trust Him, lean on Him, cry to Him. I have had to learn how to find peace IN Him with "all of the above being true" (I want to run, the realities of my own heart, etc) turning to Him anyway.


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