Friday, September 09, 2005

Coming Home

I went to college group tonight for the first time in quite a while. I have really missed being apart of that group. It was really nice to be back even though it was very different. We just got new pastors--a husband and wife team which is great because we needed another girl leader. Once apon a time when we were a lot smaller and starting out I was in charge of that department. I am really glad that I will be able to support her in that role now. We had a brain storming session tonight insted of study and it was wonderful. It looks like after three years of moving in the direction of community we are finally getting there. I am so excited I couldm't wait until tomorrow to share. I have tasted it before and can't wait! I wish I wasn't so tired because I really have a lot to say about this. But, I have to get up with my nephews in like five hours to get them ready for school and then go to school myself. So good night and thank you Lord for hearing our prayers.

Thursday, September 08, 2005

As my dad would say "When the wheels come off the wagon."

One of the things that I have learned through the experience of helping my sister is that God works though the circumstances of life if we let Him. It's human nature to run. It's His nature to make us more spiritually mature and to bring us closer to Him.

I know there were many, many times that I wanted to run away because it was too hard or too scary. First I thought my sister was dying--and she was. The actually caring for her was much easier than I had anticipated. It was the emotional part inside of me that was overwhelming at times. God healed her and now it has been the battle for recovery and the battle against the drugs she has been dependant upon for so long. It is so much more complex than that little explanation, but the details aren't as important. I know that the Lord has not only been here with me through all of it, He has used every second of it to shape me, to discipline me, to train me. This has been the hardest thing I have ever done for so many reasons, yet it has also been the very best. I have had to rely on my Lord in ways I have never experienced before this. He has also used this ONE circumstance to push me in every area of my life that has needed change and growth.

All of this rambling to say that do not run away so quickly from circumstances in life that are scary and so hard or painful you feel like if you stay a moment longer you might shatter into a thousand little pieces. That is true, you might. But remember that His strength is perfect when we have nothing left--that doesn't apply exclusively to sin as it is often interpreted. He does give us the grace we need for today and His love does reach us.

When we are in an impossible situation and there's no hope for the circumstances to change, what is our heart like? That is what I am trying to get at. Our attitude determines so much. Do we trust Him enough to follow Him when we can't see our hand in front of our faces? Do we believe that He loves us--that God is love and that being His nature; He cannot do or say anything that contradicts His nature? What we believe determines our attitudes, which determine the choices we make.

To be clear, I am not saying that God creates horrible situations to punish us, no. Rather, He uses the realities of life, working through them, to discipline us because He loves us. He also uses them to show us what He is like. At least that has been my experience with Him. In the example of my sister, He has been continually showing me what my heart is like. Then, with great faithfulness and love showing me what His heart is like. He has also equipped me with tools for the future and experience that will be invaluable to me in medicine. It's often the hardest things that reap fruit in abundance. So, trust Him, lean on Him, cry to Him. I have had to learn how to find peace IN Him with "all of the above being true" (I want to run, the realities of my own heart, etc) turning to Him anyway.

Wednesday, September 07, 2005

I HATE CALCULUS!!!

I don't really hate it all that much. At this moment in time, I want to burn my text book though. I just had my first test. I think I did okay, but I kept second guessing my self--which almost always leads to my ruin. I really don't like Trig and that's the real problem here. AHHGG! When am I ever going to use trig to diagnose patients or stich wounds? "Well I think I will use and angle of Sin1/2 for this insition." I know the reasons why we are subjected to this torture, I just am mad about math right now.

Friday, September 02, 2005

Secret Garden

This is for all the girls who haven't found what they're dreaming of yet. Hope, believe and remember that if you trust God, He will bring to you the desires of your heart and far beyond. Wait on the Lord for what he has for you. You won't be disappointed. Remember too that just because you haven't been picked yet, it doesn't mean that something is broken or wrong, it means the Lord loves you and is keeping you. Believe me, I know it's hard to believe it sometimes, but it's true.

Your Flower

I am a flower in your garden
Only you've never seen me
You don't know my name
I am waiting for you to find me
I am waiting to be picked
Only you don't know I am here

Your Gardener planted me
He watches over me
Protects me from the hot sun and the bugs
Hewaters my roots
He keeps me from growing wild and overgrown
He is preparing me, purning me
Only you've never seen me

Your Gardener has hidden me away from everyone to see
My beauty is not for others
He has built for me an arbor of safty
I am the Prized portion of your garden
Only you've never seen me

One day OUR gardener will bring you
And show you what He has made
Only when my roots are deep
Only when He has made me perfect for you
I am a flower in your garden
Only you've never seen me
---Leah Blake

Thursday, September 01, 2005

Here it goes...

Lost and Found at Sea

Waves crash down
The pain is all around
Swallowed by this sea
Water fills my lungs, my heart

This sea of pain tosses me around
Swirling, twirling, spinning, falling
There is no top, no bottom
I can't catch my breath
No rest anywhere to be found

Then I feel you so tight around me
Holding me, steadying me
Giving me sense of direction again
You whisper softly and I turn to you
Now the sea is only a rain
The rain of my tears you wipe away

Now in the safty of your arms I am found
Once again I stand on solid ground
I offer you the broken pieces of my heart
Calm and peace are finally found

---Leah Blake

I wrote this specifically about my sister, but it is a broader picture of the Lord's relationship to me. He has never left me during a time of crisis. He has always been faithful to hold on to me when my world is spinning out of control and the pain is too much to bear. He is my rock and my fortress. He is my truest friend and the only one who can confort me at times. If I only turn to Him--turn to Him with all of it, all of who I am, all the frustration, hurt, disapointment, whatever, He is so faithful. It blows my mind that He loves us so much.

I'm new 'round here

I am new to the whole blogging thing and I am not very good at it, so bear with me. I never know what to write about and if I really want the whole world to read what I would want to write about. On the other hand spilling my guts out into the great unknow has its appeal. Anyway, just wanted to say hello--Killoughs, I joined this thing mainly to talk to you. Soo...